In Which I Am Outraged

I found out today that in North Carolina, it is legal to spank children in school. It is also legal in 19 other states. I found that to be rather appalling. In New York, a teacher would be hauled to court in handcuffs for daring to spank a child, and then summarily fired, if the offense were proven. I was raised and educated to believe that teachers do not lay a hand on a child. My parents never spanked us (at least, not that I remember, so it must not have been often if it did happen), and we turned out ok. None of us have ever been arrested, or suspended from school, and we all hold down jobs and are generally respectable (except when one of us wants to cook at 1am and goes to Wegman's in her pajamas). (I only did that once.) (Maybe twice.)

I am shocked. What is it about the South that they need to spank children in school to get them to behave? So teachers not learn basic classroom management? Is there no understanding of behavioral psychology? Do teachers in North Carolina not understand the saying, "You have to earn respect to get respect"? You can't smack around a student and make a truly lasting change in behavior. That's just not how it works. Read the journals. For goodness sake, just read any parenting magazine!

They don't want respect, though. I know this from visiting many classrooms. Teachers in the South want compliance: mindless drones to do what they are told. Apparently school isn't to educate children; it's to get them to comply. We're not raising thinking human beings; we're raising the Borg. Thank goodness schools in North Carolina, by federal law, can't mandate psychotropic drugs for students. There would be an entire generation of mindless North Carolinian drones.

The point being: North Carolina is currently considering outlawing spanking children with disabilities in school. DUH!!!!!! I'm pretty sure that spanking a child with an emotional disability is not going to get that child to stop swearing at the teacher. I'm 100% sure it won't get a child with autism to stop misbehaving. I'm also sure it won't get a child who can't read to do his homework, or a hyperactive child to sit still. I truly had no idea spanking in school was still a legal punishment anywhere in the civilized world. I am newly awakened to incomprehensible depths of stupidity.

In Which Elvis is Sighted

I went to the National Portrait Gallery this weekend. I needed to get some culture into me, after being snowed in for days on end. It is kind of fun to walk around and see portraits and busts of famous people, like Louisa May Alcott, Edgar Allen Poe, President Lincoln, John Brown, Enrico Caruso, the Marquis de Lafayette, and Queen Elizabeth. There was a portrait of Yo-Yo Ma, too, who my mother once saw in the basement diner at Eastman School of Music, eating an ice-cream. He laughed when he saw her burdened down with children, music, a violin, a cello, and a small "cello chair" so my little brother's feet could touch the floor when he played.

To return to topic, the highlight of the museum, for me, was the exhibit of Elvises (say that five times fast in a whispery voice, and it's like being transformed into Gollum from The Lord of the Rings : "Elvises, my precioussss, there is nasty Elvises.") There were portraits of Elvis painted after he died. There was a Where's Elvis book, along the lines of Where's Waldo. The most memorable item was beyond doubt the 3-foot bust of Elvis as Julius Caesar. Painted gold. Wearing a laurel crown. With guitars on his faux-Roman armor. Can you picture Elvis standing on the steps of the Forum, orating, "Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears"? It's a farce waiting to happen. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure I've seen that on The Muppet Show.

In Which I Study

....and now for an "I hate Virginia" moment.

I think I have discovered why Virginia has to import qualified teachers.

I have spent today (and will spend tomorrow) studying for the three state licensing board tests I will be taking next Saturday. Two are tests of basic reading and writing. The practice reading test was straight-forward, if oddly weighted down with passages about non-WASP cultural practices.

The practice writing test was bizarre. It requires writing a summary of an article because, apparently, summarizing in written form is essential for Virginia teachers. I can honestly say that I never, in 5 years, wrote a summary while teaching in New York. The test also requires the standard 5-paragraph persuasive essay, the bane of college professors everywhere. It is by far the most boring form of essay writing. The funniest bit, though, was the the example of a strong response. Besides being woefully informal (I was taught NEVER to use contractions in an essay), it has several major grammatical defects, including at least 1 run-on sentence.

One wonders, "Shall one eschew the use of poly-syllabic verbage in favor of a more simplistic rendering of one's opinion in order to facilitate accessiblity to the text by those grading (who undoubtedly graduated under the afore-mentioned flawed educational system), thus maximizing the potential for successfully navigating the clearly inadequate system, yet betraying the principle of always performing to the maximum of one's potential?"

One sighs. Then one inevitibly answers, "Yes."

In Which it Snows

It is snowing in Virginia, so the whole world has stopped. In the snow belt 2=4 inches would be nothing. Here, it's the end of the world. All schools are closed, people are driving 5 miles an hour, and cars are still spinning out. Apparently people do not know that you shouldn't accelerate into a slush puddle....

The snow is pretty, and I enjoyed the chance to catch up on reading. It's supposed to turn into freezing rain overnight. I will admit driving on ice does not appeal to me, so hopefully no school tomorrow either. Here's a picture of the snow out my front door.

In Which I Win

Yesterday, I came home, tired, weary, achy, after sitting through a long and ridiculous meeting (yes, silly, and even my supervisors will admit it), I had a message on my answering machine. This is always very exciting for me. I was even more excited when I heard the message.

I had won the grand prize drawing at Border's Books and Music! I entered during Teacher Appreciation Weekend. I always do, though I've never won anything. I was so excited, I skipped through dinner and drove right over. I won a book bag full of children's books!!!! Yay!

I know. You are thinking, "What does she need more books for?" Well, ok, that's a good point, but they were free. I won them. That's pretty cool. And I won a blue book bag.

Just an aside, I had two people today tell me that I don't sound like I have a NY City accent. Sigh.

In Which I go Undercover....

I went undercover on Saturday. I spent the morning at the DMV, and now my car has Virginia plates. I no longer stand out like a sore thumb. When I drive badly, nobody will know I'm from out of state. Driving here is like being surrounded by Florida retirees. Everyone drives slowly, stays in the left-hand lane, and block other cars from passing. It's like I've entered the land of passive-aggressive drivers. It's probably safer than driving in Boston or Chicago, but not anywhere near as exhilarating. Occasionally, I freak out and have to drive 15 miles over the 25-MPH speed limit, just to remind myself that I am capable of maneuvering a motor vehicle.

It was very odd to take off my old liscence plates. My car looks different. And now I have to memorize a new liscnece plate number, not that I ever memorized the old one. I recognize my car by the steering wheel cover. But now I am less likely to get sworn at when I make three u-turns in a row. My old plates are sitting on my washing machine. I suppose I should turn them in, but for right now, I like the reminder that I'm not Southern quite yet.